I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You can't special order awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
