Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
