We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
