Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ttyl tear gas
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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