My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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