It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
