now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
