she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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