i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
