Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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