Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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