Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
