I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i believe in u and ur pee
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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