Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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