i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
