my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
