Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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