Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
