I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
