There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
