I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
