sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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