I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
