I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
