What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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