seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
