I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
