whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
