He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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