Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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