so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
