We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
