my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize