some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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