So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
