OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your cock deserves a montage
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
