yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
