I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
