The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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