Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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