And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
