Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize