I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
