i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
