I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
