girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
