I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
