is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
