Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
