YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
