Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
