Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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