"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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