did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a hot homeless man
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize