That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
