hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
