Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
