Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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