just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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