Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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