Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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