You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
