I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
