Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
