I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
