We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
