Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I checked into jail on foursquare
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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