i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
