Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
