oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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