four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
