woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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