I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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