You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When are your genitals available?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
