at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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