Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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